Happy Fathers Day

If you have read any of my blogs, it is rather obvious that I loved my dad in extreme abundance. To say he was my hero is an understatement.  His was the model of parenting that held the perfect balance of unconditional love, discipline, fairness and respect.  There was nothing I wouldn’t do for my dad.

In his later years my dad wasn’t well.  He had emphysema from a smoking habit which began when he was in high school and accelerated while serving in World War II.  We all tried to get him to stop.  Hiding cigarettes, blowing out the matches, putting pins in the filters were many of our unsuccessful techniques.  He quit so many times, I cannot even count them all.  By the time he did quit, he was on oxygen and could not do very much, physically.  It pained me to watch the effort it took him to breathe and accomplish the small things he once never gave any thought to.  But we made the best of it.

I was a teacher and my summers were unburdened by a strict schedule.  As a result, I would go to the house and we would spend hours playing gin rummy, watching the stock market and discussing the issues of life.  I would win the rummy championship of Green Hill Road, he would capture it for the State of Connecticut, I would reclaim it for the United States  and eventually he would win for the entire universe.  You get the picture.  During these times, I might share some problem from my work and we would hash it out, me taking advantage of the benefit of his guidance and wisdom.  His financial advice was always welcome and he would explain how stocks and bonds worked, what good investing was about and how to be wise with my money.  These were his best moments near the end.  When he felt important and had something to teach, he felt useful and I always thought that he seemed physically better.  I would lecture that he had to do a little more exercise and he would promise, although I knew he wouldn’t.  It was just so hard for him.

My dad passed away from complications associated with his emphysema in June of 1989 at the young age of 68.  It was, without question, the most emotionally crushing day of my life.  However, there was nothing left unsaid between us and he left this realm knowing how much I live him and me knowing the same.  That is how it is supposed to be.

So Happy Fathers Day daddy.  Your little/big girl misses you so much every single day.  Thank you for being my dad, although I guess you didn’t have much choice.  I am richly blessed for having you in my heart always.  I love you.

Worms, Teddy and Worms – It’s The Little Things

I haven’t written for a little while.  Not sure why, except that I haven’t felt the urge.  Today I find myself thinking of a plentitude of small things that I remember about my dad.  None of them fit into an entire story, but lumped together I believe they make a point.  It’s the little things that count!

So many memories of my childhood involve my dad and each one put together form a jigsaw puzzle of love, care and respect.  Humor also played a big role in his interactions with me and others.  One such memory is the time I inquired about worms in the rain.  Where we lived, whenever it rained hard, huge amounts of worms flooded the driveway and street.  Being a lover of all creatures, I was concerned.  I asked my dad why the worms appeared only when it rained.  His reply was serious and well thought out, or at least I thought so.  He told me that the worms thought the patter of the rain on the ground was the bird’s feet and beak pecking. The worms believed  was their duty to come out and feed the birds.  Made sense to me.  Many years later, I realized the truth, but I will always secretly believe what my dad told me and smile each time I think about it.

We lived in New Jersey when I was 5 years old and drove to a distant location for lunch.  When we got home, I was looking for “Teddy”, my favorite stuffed animal.  Oh no!  I had left him at the restaurant and I was inconsolable.  What happened?  My dad got in the car and drove back to get him.  He didn’t get angry or complain that he wasted his free time going back to get my best friend, he just did it!  Tell me that is not something to remember always.

My studies were important to me, but my memory was short and if I tried to study at night I would fall asleep and be unable to recall what I needed to the next day.  Dad was a morning person.  Always up at 4 am for coffee and a cigarette, we experimented with him waking me up to study in the AM.  He would come into my room and tickle my inner ear.  Subsequent to my stirring, he would make a tiny bugle with his hand and trumpet revelee into my ear.   Then, singing to the tune “It’s time to get up, it’s time to get up, it’s time to get up in the morning I would have to awaken.  What I wouldn’t give today to hear that at least once.  My dad turned me into a morning person as a result of these experiences.  He always said “the early bird catches the worm.”  Must be something about worms – lol!

The message I provide for the dads of today is this.  Little things add up to be big things!  Please don’t shy away from doing something that you may not feel is uniquely valuable or earth shattering.  It really is the little moments that stay with your daughter and define and shape your relationship.  Especially during more difficult times, I find that if I can recall one or two of these moments of so many, it helps me to deal with what is in front of me with a smile.